Saturday, December 6, 2008

ESPN College Gameday Preview: SEC Championship

I'd sooner run the Boston Marathon with bamboo shoots shoved into my toenails than watch one second of College Gameday this morning. Scanning the Comcast viewing guide, here's what I see as better options between 10 AM and noon today:

10:00 AM, WSB: Atlanta Christmas Parade
Carol Sbarge the rest of the Channel 2 News Team guide you through a tour of the grandest city in the South. The official kickoff of the Christmas season for the 7 people that watch it on TV every year. Looks like a good crowd will be on hand at the parade, though.

10:00 AM, Discovery Channel: Dirty Jobs
Mike Rowe gives us his Top 10 "most disgusting things he's ever eaten."

10:00 AM, Starz: Apocolypto
The Mel Gibson written and directed adaptation about the collapse of Mayan civilization. The number of times I've sat down to watch this movie and not made it through the opening credits numbers in the teens. Perhaps today is the day.

11:00 AM, Soap TV: Beverly Hills 90210
The key plot in this episode is yet another mishap at the new club owned by David Silver (Brian Austin-Green.) Valerie (Tiffany Amber-Thiessen) sticks her nose into David's financial business as she's want to do, which creates yet another calamity of dramatic proportions. That Valerie is a troubled gal, I tell you.

11:00 AM, Starz (a different Starz): Billy Madison
Actually you can just catch the tail end of Billy Madison, which ends at 11:20. In my opinion, the best part comes at about this point in the movie, when the school principal (played by the highly underrated James Downey) moderates Billy's faux "academic challenge" against Eric Gordon (played by Bradley Whitfield.) After listening to Billy's long-winded final answer about the Industrial Revolution, the principal responds as follows: "Mr Madison, that is the dumbest answer I've ever heard. At no point during your response, did you ever state anything that resembled a coherent thought. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." I laugh my ass off at that one every time. Chris Farley also kills it as the bus driver. Watch for the part with Farley and the penguin near the very end. Classic.

The final verdict on my Saturday morning viewing: I'm going to try to get through Apocolypto, and when the inevitable boredom sets in, flip over to the more entertaining Billy Madison at 11:00. When that ends at 11:20, I'll probably watch a video with the kids up until the noon tip-off between UGA and Illinois from Chicago. (Radio only for me today, no ESPNU sadly.) Or maybe I'll make a sandwich and sit alone to collect my thoughts.

For anyone that just can't stay away from Gameday, let me give you a certain preview of today's events down by the Dome:

-The show will begin with about 2,000 screaming college kids that are oblivious to the fact that they will despise the entire idea of ESPN College Gameday in about 15 years. Dumbasses.

-Kirk Herbstreit will have a one-on-one with Tim Tebow for the 834th time THIS SEASON. Among topics discussed will be Tebow's love of the college game, Herbstreit's love of Tebow, and Tebow's offseason work curing deadly child illnesses in Africa.

-Desmond Howard will have a montage on Nick Saban's meteoric rise in Tuscaloosa. He'll ask Saban to go bowling with him, but Saban will refuse. This will be a short montage and will likely not be all that interesting.

-Joe Schad will give us his rundown of all the coaching vacancies and the likely candidates for each. Not one person he mentions associated with any particular opening, will actually end up getting the job. Thus maintaining Schad's long-standing streak of being wrong about every piece of "inside information" he's ever reported on. Only his colleague Herbstreit rivals Schad's incompetence with such info.

-Tebow interview #835 for Herbstreit. In this one Tebow gives us a tour of the nearby Atlanta CDC, where he spent time between practice this week researching an antedote for biological weaponry.

-PICKS! PICKS! PICKS! I may have to tune in for this part. That Corso fella' is a riot with his pencil and his one-liners. That and I'm really interested in who Herbstreit likes in Army-Navy.

There you have it. Enjoy your day.


Sports Dawg said...

Yea, all the media loves Tebow. I get tired of them forcing him down my throat. I sure hope he does not win the Heisman again. Yhis year or next.

A Free Man said...

I totally would have picked 90210.

Damn the Gators. I was pulling hard for 'Bama (lesser of two evils), but we'll have to listen to the media cream all over Tebow for another month now. It is times like these that I'm glad to be living overseas.

Mackalicious said...

I caught Apocalypto over the summer on one of the 8 Encore channels Comcast gives you. It's a pretty good movie once you get past all the hot topless chicks.