Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sold The Ranch

Week 10

Wallet Check: All Square
Week 7 gains/losses: - $500

Well, here we are....

10 weeks in and we have been granted a clean slate by the Gambling Gods (otherwise known as the Oxymoron’s) to make up for hard times. I too, thought we’d be polishing the yachts in St. Simon’s by now and packing our bags for Dubai. It sucks, but it happens. Now, don’t go a fool and bash The Schlitz for not making you millions. We’re gonna pad the cowhide once more, but you’re gonna have to stick with me! Heck pokes, I’m still looking a lot more genius than 99% of your stock brokers out there, so any moanin and groanin for only getting your money back can be saved for the Double P’s, you flakes. That was unnecessary, but certainly not deleted. Now listen, we got several weeks to make multiple pesos! Stick with me. After all, it’s been a good ride and we’re now feeling the vibe from the playmaker’s out there in the WWCF (wonderful world of college football). Whether you been on the sideline’s, or are finally ready for that last chance to hop on the Dubai Express, there’s no time like the present. This is it.

San Pedro certainly provided good times for my newfound family and I, but as a rambling man, the trigger finger on the “latest lines” was simply too much. I spent a couple days just laying low and staring at Double C’s with Neon, when I realized that I had a passion that only Burt Reynolds could rival. Hot Damn, I was, “In it, to win it!” With a high five to the boy and a slap of the round stuff for my reacquainted woman, I caught an Aero Mexico flight at 3:36am Monday morning from San Pedro, to Jacksonville, Florida. I was dressed to impress, but was I in for a surprise…...

Upon arrival I realized I hadn’t just left San Pedro, but had actually left Earth. This is where the story goes a little haywire. A dirty haired man in jean shorts (hemmed), a tank top and a thicker gold chain then L Cool J, runs awkwardly to me with a beer bong and screams, “Gators Rule!” As I’m not from these parts, nor will ever care to be, I told him that the Gator’s do not rule and that he best get off my shoes, or I’ll be droppin a Bruce Lee on his ass. This my friends was a 50/50 bet for the Shlitz, as this shaved head, Gold’s Gym frothin, freckled face boy suddenly found the Gator Pride to go grab all his buddies. Next thing you know, I got 5 guys and 3 hoes surrounding me, with apparel amassing: 30 gold chains, 6 ball caps with tags still on, 12 untied shoelaces, one bitch with black shit in her teeth, two tails (you know the ones) and a dude with a nose ring drinking some Vodka Tea. What happened next was sheer terror. That’s right, the Shlitz unleashed hell! Bruce would have been proud… I placed 3 guys in the ER and the other 2 are apparently still missing (so the papers say). And do I need to mention where the 3 biotches ended up? You got it! At the Holiday Inn of Jacksonville where I’m bringin this live! Enough of that….. I got a coo in my ear, so let’s get to the money.

20 Benjamin’s (don't blink, it's on)
Take Georgia +5.5 at Florida (it is at Florida)

This game was difficult to pull the trigger on. I want to make perfectly clear for any of you Voodoo Doctors out there that The Schlitzz pickziz have absolutely NO bearing on the outcome of the game and I don’t care to hear any comments regarding such. To be clear, if UGA wins or loses, it has nothing to do with which way The Schlitzz Pickziz. Witchcraft and Sorcery have no place in my life or here on C&C. May the best team win (assuming they both play as such) and this is what makes the WWCF so great. However, in this case, the best team will be wearing Red ‘n Black. I’ll leave the analysis to my counterparts, but UGA has their back to the sun and all is feeling right with the world. Let that feeling flow and good things happen. GO DAWGS


JJ said...

Schlitz,I remember that bald headed Gator fan you speak of and the time that he and his sidekick tried to fight an entire bus in the Alltel Stadium RV lot about 5 years ago.He wore a denim shirt back then and he smelled of Old Spice.I also seem to remember that his he spoke with a foul tongue and had no regard for any females that might be present or close by. Given his sour disposition that day I was sure he wouldn't survive the weekend, but I am glad to hear he made it at least as far as his latest encounter with El Schlitz.

Note to self: stay away from Holiday Inn Jacksonville this weekend. Scratch that, avoid it forever.

BayouDawg said...

As long as the Schlitz doesn't run into his old foe's of "the tree" and "condo sign" in St. Simons, then he will be just fine, but if those two show back up, he is toast.

Anonymous said...

Shlitz or Schlitz:

You're a numbskull with these picks. Can you really not remember how to spell your own name?

Gatas by 14+

Schlitz said...

9:10 Annoyance:

You hardly seem like one to be a spelling aficionado... Go Gatas?

BayouDawg said...

Line has jumped to 7.5

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for this week's edition.