Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Double L Ranch

Week 9

Wallet Check: + $500
Week 8 Gains/Losses: + $1,000

Listen up player haters. The Shlitz brought the frying pan in week 8 and proved that nothing brings heat to the fire like being in the kitchen. The Shlitz relished in an evening in Athens last week and got the mojo back on track. Although B. Wood didn’t fair as well after dropping me off at the evenings resort for post game activity, all feels right heading into this weekend’s showdown. I suffered minor short term memory loss at the hands of some Yager Bomber’s, but have been able to pull it all together this week as I face a slate that seems all too easy. First off though, in personal news, the Shlitz has had more than double duty this week in learning that I have fathered a little chap that has needed my attention. I got a call from an old “biotch” claiming I was the father of this little fellow. After catching the last Pan Am flight from Hartsfield, I mused myself through the front door of their crib in San Pedro. There the little tike stood in all his glory. Neon, as his mother called him, 3 feet tall and bulletproof, had a liking to me that you’d have to see for yourself. I knew at first sight the Shlitz had brought life to what would bring joy to many a hoe in the coming years through my young protégé. Much time will, and has already, been spent grooming my boy and teaching him the finer things in life. Look for Neon to make strides in pickin winnas for some weekly chickin dinnas in the coming years. So all said, although time has been scarce for the Shlitz, the picks are here to make those pockets jingle once again. Without further ado:

5 Benjamin’s
Alabama -6 at The Pissin Dog house
Is this some kind of joke? Every week I want to give UT some credit based on who they have been in the past. At this point, they have proven their worth and then some. They are simply a bad football team. Bama comes off two close calls and needs to prove something to themselves and the media. This will be an ass whooping at its finest.

4 Benjamin’s
Kentucky +25 in “The Swamp”
Not sure what to make of such a phat line. Sure, UK has proven it’s not a powerhouse, but Florida seems to merely be riding a media wave to propel them to the top. Florida will win this one, but I’d expect a closer ball game then those Vegas bastards are predicting.

3 Benjamin’s
Ole Miss -5 at Arkansas
Arkansas flat out stinks. Ole Miss has been showing up week after week and now they will come away with the fruits of their labor. This team not only deserves a big win, but wants a big win. They couldn’t pick a better week for the stars to align and lay the lumber to a pathetic Arkansas squad.

2 Benjamin’s
Auburn +2.5 in Morgantown
Just when it seemed the wheels had come off in Auburn, look for this SEC player to make a conference statement. I’m not sure what to make of WVU this year, but they are playing some terrible football. This is a battle of two struggling teams that will undoubtedly rebuild in the coming years. My guess is Auburn is able to show a little more heart and take this game by a touchdown.

1 Benjamin
Oklahoma State beats Texas
Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Better believe the Shlitz will be filing a lawsuit for plagiarism in Stillwater Sunday morning. Pistol Pete and T. Boone will be doing the watermelon crawl Saturday night in Austin as OSU will role over Texas in what will be a standoff 4 years in the making for the Pokes. They’ll jump out as usual, but this time they’ll have enough D to hold Texas back for the W.

I had to hold off the Dawgs for any voodoo mongrels out there that would blast me for sabotaging the game. Now get out there and place your bets.



BayouDawg said...

congrats on numero 13 papa!

Anonymous said...

If Okey State beats Texas expect T. Boone to burn down Austin and fan the flames with a windmill. I hope you're right!

JJ said...

I like Tennessee straight up this weekend. It isn't going to be part of the Magic 5 and I may not even have the balls to predict a score for the game, but I just have a feeling. Major trap for the Tide especially if Berry is playing some offense (which he should be.)

Schlitz said...

JJ, you are well respected by the Shlitz and I will let Neon know to hold you at high regard as well. However, I am willing to wager 18 on the short stuff that Bama beats them by 10 or more. Me thinks much more, but... What do you say? I think I'm 18 down already!

Bop said...

I want one of those T. Boone windmills.

JJ said...

No bets on the UT - Bama game, Schlitz. This is a straight hedge on my part. I get to throw out the little nugget that I think UT has a shot, but if they don't win it, no harm done. If they do win, I look like a genius (sort of.)