Thursday, October 9, 2008

Double L Ranch

Week 7

Wallet Check: $300
Week 6 gains/losses: - $1,300

Shlitz is at a loss for words (and Benjamin’s) this week mi amigos. Listen to the story that has been leaked over the past few days and it all starts to make sense. I got a call Sunday morning at about 4 am informing me that I had taken a sizeable hit on my account the day before. I was in Belize at the time and was absolutely speechless. They were removing my peeps from my penthouse suite at the Bellagio and my posse was asked to leave via taxi cabs (not cool). Next thing you know, the Demagiano is calling to inform me that my credit was no longer welcome at the Bellagio, effective immediately. Right away I knew something was going down and The Shlitz was being duped by those he trusted most. Little did they know, The Shlitz has contacts. My good friend Jo Bob McGintry called Monday afternoon from a gentlemen’s club somewhere in the South Pacific, informing me that several high profile coaches were planning a Vegas trip and had tweaked some of the week 6 games. Never one to tuck tail, I informed the Bellagio that their day will come and I will most certainly be taking my stash and heading to a casino more accommodating for those looking to earn an honest dollar. That’s where we find the Shlitz this week folks. Here in the lavish confines of The Wynn Hotel and Casino. I’ve taken in a few shows and drank several frothy ones of the malt liquor variety the past couple days to prepare for another week of promise. Settling in at the Sportsbook this morning, I ordered a darker beverage and had a seat at the big board, when suddenly a stranger sat down beside me and subtly asked for a taste of my whiskey. I don’t remember what happened after that, but the picks were on my notepad, eerily, without so much as a swipe from my stolen Bellagio pen… Times like this friends is when the Benjamin’s line the pockets of many a Burberry sport coats. So let’s get it on:

5 Benjamin’s
UGA -12 over Tennessee
If history has anything to do with this game it could be a long Dawg day. However, the good news is history has nothing to do with a team as pathetic as UT. I think Smokey will be hiding under the bleachers by halftime and howling “Remember the Times” to the few faithful that have followed down to Athens. Admittedly, any SEC spread over 10 should be doubted, but this is all too easy.

4 Benjamin’s
Vanderbilt -2 over Mississippi State
Not a chance. This is where the past plays to the mindsets of those here in Vegas. I spoke with one line setter yesterday morning at the buffet in TI and he said to me, “It’s just Vandy…” I knew then that I had a handful of Benjamin’s being thrown on this one. Just Vandy is correct, but this Vandy is smart. Maybe they don’t possess the athletes, but they know their roles and execute to a tee. Look for a 17 point debacle of a piss poor MSU team.

3 Benjamin’s
LSU +6 against Florida
LSU will be bringing the reminisce of hurricane Gustav into Gator Town this weekend, and Timmy Tebow, whom I actually have a shred of respect for, will be shut down like an oil refinery in the Gulf. This game will give LSU too much media respect though, as UF really isn’t that good. In fact, they could get shut out this week. Look for LSU to win by at least 10.

2 Benjamin’s
Oklahoma -6.5 over Texas
What a classic. With both teams looking like they could challenge the world, it’s a shame there has to be a loser. Oh, but there will be… And that loser will be Texas. The light will now be cast upon the holes in the Longhorn secondary and OU will role to an unexpectedly easy victory over the long time Red River Rival. Final score: OU 38 Texas 17

1 Benjamin
Oklahoma State +14 against Missouri
This one would be a great drinking game if you had to chug upon every score (Aardvark may want to try it out). The offenses will put it on the line and at the end of the carnage the two clubs will look up at the scoreboard and may very well find that OSU has pulled the upset. Missouri is looking good, but OSU is looking better. Keep your eye on this one Saturday. With the hits Boone’s been taken in the market, I think he may even have a little wager riding the 14.

Here’s a toast to getting back in the saddle this week. The Shlitz needs some big returns this week to get back in the groove. I think between the changes in venue, the stranger at the Sportsbook and Obama consorting with yet another radical should prove to turn the tide across the board. Bottoms Up!


BayouDawg said...

This is one of the most classic Schlitz postings, emails, rants, voicemails, ...any form of communication ever produced by the chameleon. Way to pick all the big games schlitzy...very ballsy, however fun and most entertaining.

Bear said...

Time to make some more money this week. I feel confident that the Tennessee +12 is my lock of the week. So, are you going to go "0fer" this week and do you think you can win 1 or 2? HAHAHAHA.

Aardvark said...

Schlitz, you should inform your following that you woke up naked with your ass pointed in the air after your encounter with the stranger in the Sportsbook. Didn't anyone warn you about the male prostitutes in Vegas? Anyway, congrats on another 'stellar' week of picks.
I can't believe I am going to say this, but I have to agree with most of your picks this week. However, something smells fishy with the line on the LSU / UF game (and it's not that male prostitute's taint). I like UF big over LSU (even though I hate UF).

Anonymous said...

Games are won and loss on the line of scrimmage... see UGA vs. Alabama for proof. For this reason, somehow a wide-eyed Jarrett Lee and the rest of the tigers pull out another last second victory from Miles' a... hat.

JJ said...

1-3-1 Schlitz. Not too shabby. I'm still not sure where you got UGA-UT at 12 points, but luckily you jumped on it when you did. I think most people that bet UGA giving the pts lost that game.

Bear said...

Can the run keep going?

Schlitz said...

I had actually heard the line was down to 11.5 by gametime. Can't validate though. Either way, Shlitz has got some work to do this coming week...

BayouDawg said...

Schlitz, you may want to reconsider your career...another ass pounding yet again.

Anonymous said...

Interesting gambling run! Keep it up.